Baby cum home

Baby- my mama kitty ran way yesterday.
Maybe she is making her way to Richard as she likes
him the best ( he saved her and I think she knows it.)
I will go up to the pound a little later.

CC-my baby, told me a few days ago -everything is cool. Yesterday she called and sounded upset. I just wish she would cum home where she belongs...

MM- finally returning late today- I missed you so Baby!

well 1/3 ain't bad...

Feel the Energy!

Addendum-
my "putrid day" did not go down the drain-my drain has a serious clog so my day did NOT wash away! Oh No- it pooled up around my ankles as the Playboy bunny on the shower curtain just looked at me with a blank expression on its face. So much for fucking Energy...
BUT WAIT-
The next a.m. I went to court. MM called it right on the head! I swear he has a crystal ball. CASE DISMISSED! Wow ! Turns out they had no evidence (doh- I was not DUI-just having a panic attack like I told them over and over again that day.) And the cop really fucked up on a lot of shit. Like I said- he had a big hard-on to get me behind bars! So it seems to me, he was slightly overzealous and made mistake after mistake. So I did not even have to enter the court room!
Now that's some fucking energy!

down the drain. . .

I smell real bad. Have you ever smelled death? It is a very distinct odor. Very Foul. I wore death today instead of the usual flowery feminine scent . I made a pretty damn fucking good attempt to save a kitty that was in a hit and run. When I picked up his limp bloody body, that smell got on me along with other assorted body fluids. Then try adding some sweat and tears as I moved from one storage to another during the heat of the hot Arizona day due to the fuck ups of others. A virtual potpourri of aroma topped off by the ever popular - ode DE la house that should be condemned! What a fucking fragrance. So I am oh so ready to jump in the shower and wash the putrid day away. But - the shower is so fucking disgusting! OMG! What the fuck happened here??? But instead of more tears I have been given some + energy Baby and it is time to buck up. I am going to take pleasure and pride as this day goes down the drain and leaves a brand new me to sparkle and shine!

Letters from Me...

A very close buddy of mine suggested I write a letter as a therapeutic intervention. So, I am blogging it cuz it is me who needs some good ol' fashioned letting go and letting God! Now I am supposed to be writing to my kid but, I am taking it just a step further cuz I just gotta get some shit off of my chest...
Letter #1-
Hey Boo, I really really miss you. This is the longest we have ever been apart. Don't you miss me and the Gramster? What about home and the kitty's and C and C? My b-day is coming up and it's almost time to put up the Halloween decos. Me and Will were going thru all that shit last week. He was tripping on all the stuff we have. Will said "You guys got enough for your own haunted house- yaaa yaa ya man!" Then he goes " you must have been such a cool Mom- so fun and cool - like the Mom everybody always wanted - yaaa yaa ya man!" But as I continue to sort and trash and pack I can not help but notice- you took nothing that I gave you for the last few years. NOTHING- all the trinket and gifts are left behind. It is as if you want no memory of us? It is so hard- the place is really fucked up but that is not your fault- it's mine. I am sorry, but then on the other hand - you really did not have it that bad and you need to stop acting like a little bitch to me. I have feelings to ya know. I disliked and disrespected Gramster for a spell when I was around 15, but I was not near as spiteful as you. It is like a knife in the heart - a pain like no other. Don't you see you are setting the pace for our future? Fucking stop it and grow the fuck up. Cum on, stop being pissed at the world and stop torturing me! Don't you know I love you so much and I miss the fuck out of you little girl! My little Boo Girl...You will always be my little Boo Girl....

Letter # 2 -
Richard, why don't you just let me go. Again I feel tortured. I see you regressing and you really scared me the other day. Plus, I am so very angry with you as you have done it again... Just when I need you the most, you have failed me. I am tired of suffering. Suffering is bad enough but to suffer alone is torment. Fuck you! You are abusive and I can and I am doing so much better. Too bad he can't be here with me thru this long lonely night, so I continue to write...

Letter # 3 -
Will- sorry I got mad at you tonight. I guess I was a little disappointed when I walked in and sometimes I wonder about how much sense you got left. ( I know we fried a lot of cells over the years but fuck man!) I would love to know what goes thru your mind sometimes-cuz you blow mine! I don't want to sever our relationship bud, but man - you are driving me fucking nuts! Get it together and start being a friend, It's like any relationship - give and take. I feel like I am the one doing all the giving. I need some take sometimes too - don't you guys see that? Do you guys even give a fuck? ? ?

Letter # 4-
A positive letter for the positive one in my life, (you know who you are.)
Wheeew, I hope all this blogging does some good. You know how passive - aggressive I am. I mean I should really be talking to these guys face to face, but for some reason, I turn the other cheek and my blood begins to boil. Then you gotta hear about it- deal with it and clean up the mess on top of it! I thank my lucky Arizona September Night Stars above for you being in my life. Would you like to step out on the patio and have a beer with me?

Some things NEVER change

Things like people and their behaviors. I have lost hope...

OMG, my house should be condemned!

Now that I have acquired a state of the art climate controlled secure storage unit, tonight I started going through shit at the house. Sorting and packing and trashing. I can not stop sneezing from the dust and dirt. What a job - as if I do not have enough going on. And, lets not forget the memories. Some happy and some sad. My old kitty . Will thinks something is wrong with her. It is very strange whenever I would go there - it was like I had died. All of my stuff sat there collecting dust and the old kitty meowed but I was not around- its as if I was a ghost. Its so hard - but it must be done. A friend pointed out to me - its time to move on. I am actually looking forward to the next stage of my life. I am an official empty nester. It was weird as hell at first, but now I am enjoying the quiet and peace. (My kid was very popular and she also liked to party - so I had every frigging teenager in town trashing my house at some point in the last few years!Oh yeah!!) I found mementos from a psychotic ex and from grandma who passed on almost 2 years ago. I also found my other granmoms silver and a super sexy pirate costume that I forgot about! Yeah- this is going to be real real interesting to say the least.....

Relationship 101

That is the class I need. You see I know a lot about guys and what makes them tick- If you need man advice ask - DEAR Brittney! But when it comes to my own - it seems all I do is fuck up. Weird huh? Case in point -

This a.m., I was a real CUNT - yes CUNT, to my S.O. Now, he will not speak to me. It pretty much sucks and I am not sure what to do???

So, I guess I will "feel the energy" and wait it out. I made the 1st - I am sorry move, so hopefully he will make the - I forgive you move, and I can learn from this....