thanks for reading....

Hi everybody, for the time being I am discontinuing this blog. I am going to start a new blog on www.phxasp.com -hopefully that will feed to my websites and Yahoo 360. (I will keep jotting my thought s on my yahoo 360 blog as well) Sorry 4 inconvenience. Thanks for reading this blog and u never know when it will get going again- see ya in the blogosphere!

Do u hve the answers???

Sometimes life is so unfair. Fuck - it is down right cruel. So I question, God, mankind, science, technology, lady luck, karma, the cards, genetics and my family tree. I also question, reality, philosiphy, my mental state and my spirital state of being. Hhhh, Questioning the senses, great works of literature, and the word on the street too. I QUESTION...

my buddy

MM has been away on biz. I am his tripping wife, but I could not go this time. I miss him so much. He is my last thought when I close my eyes and drift off into dreamland. He is always the 1st thing that pops into my mind when I wake. My days are consumed with him. Every passing second of every hour of every day is MM. He is my best friend and the only person I trust 100% besides my Mom. I am lost without him. This trip is weird cuz he is so far away and very busy. With all these high tech ways of communications - I have only heard the sound of his voice a few times I am starting to get sick. Its kinda like being homesick. I know I got it bad 4 him. The last few weeks I have gotten very close emotionally n now it's like he has died or something. I do feel like I lost my best friend. I am hanging on and he should return 2day. It scares me how attached I have become and this one could really fuck me up in my head and break my heart. God I hope things work out for us. Anyways I guess as Garth B says - sometimes you gotta feel a lil pain to enjoy the dance.

Blast from the past

Wow- so much change in my life and all at once. I hate to sound cliche' but when it rains it pours.
Now I am sitting at this computer on a fine and glorious Saturday afternoon and my mind is one big cluster fuck of like 20 or so racing thoughts- so here is a Brittney's Blast from the past (that's an old blog entry yahoo deleted). So since I can't keep a fucking train of thought-

Entry for November 15, 2006

You

I love your hugs. I don't want to let go. The other nite you made me feel something inside that I forgot even existed. "That" feeling. You know the one. Warm and Tingly inside. Mouth watering, all the hairs on my head standing on end. Heart racing, (no - this is not an anxiety attack)! Better then ANY drug, (do u believe I am saying that)? But just like a drug - "that" feeling comes to an end. You have to leave and I pull away just wanting to scream! I can't look at you as it now is very painful inside. I turn as you pull my front door closed behind you. I can't help but notice you didn't look at me either. I just sit and finish cuming down from u. I think about how far you are on the freeway home and when will I get to feel your touch, smell you, hear your voice???

I dream about you and try not to call you. But I break down and dial the #. VM. I watch the time tick by slowly until its "our time" and then I start to feel "that" feeling again..............

hey schoolgirl!

Its not done yet-but take a sneak peak-www.schoolgirlbrittney.com

pretty women?

MY depression is getting worse day by day. I have been waiting for Richard (not my Richard) 2 cum rescue me. He is here but I don't understand what is taking him so long. I know this is not like the movies but shit! What are u waiting for - take me away! I am not going to last too much longer. Something has gotta give. Please Baby, plz.

I feel like I am regressing. I am supposed to be taking baby steps 4ward not leaps n bounds backwards. I am not too upset cuz I have learned to never have expectations. That way it's not as bad when shit turns to shit. I am becoming more depressed so sorry if this is on the negative side. Hey - at least I am back on my fav. computer. (Trying to be positive.)
Anyways - MM said to make this list,
Why I think I am regressing-
1.bad luck
2.people fucking me over
3.caught in a vicious cycle
4.me not pushing hard enough - letting others influence me
5.making bad moves with finances.
OK honey - here is your list. What do u think... (be nice)

Baby cum home

Baby- my mama kitty ran way yesterday.
Maybe she is making her way to Richard as she likes
him the best ( he saved her and I think she knows it.)
I will go up to the pound a little later.

CC-my baby, told me a few days ago -everything is cool. Yesterday she called and sounded upset. I just wish she would cum home where she belongs...

MM- finally returning late today- I missed you so Baby!

well 1/3 ain't bad...

Feel the Energy!

Addendum-
my "putrid day" did not go down the drain-my drain has a serious clog so my day did NOT wash away! Oh No- it pooled up around my ankles as the Playboy bunny on the shower curtain just looked at me with a blank expression on its face. So much for fucking Energy...
BUT WAIT-
The next a.m. I went to court. MM called it right on the head! I swear he has a crystal ball. CASE DISMISSED! Wow ! Turns out they had no evidence (doh- I was not DUI-just having a panic attack like I told them over and over again that day.) And the cop really fucked up on a lot of shit. Like I said- he had a big hard-on to get me behind bars! So it seems to me, he was slightly overzealous and made mistake after mistake. So I did not even have to enter the court room!
Now that's some fucking energy!

down the drain. . .

I smell real bad. Have you ever smelled death? It is a very distinct odor. Very Foul. I wore death today instead of the usual flowery feminine scent . I made a pretty damn fucking good attempt to save a kitty that was in a hit and run. When I picked up his limp bloody body, that smell got on me along with other assorted body fluids. Then try adding some sweat and tears as I moved from one storage to another during the heat of the hot Arizona day due to the fuck ups of others. A virtual potpourri of aroma topped off by the ever popular - ode DE la house that should be condemned! What a fucking fragrance. So I am oh so ready to jump in the shower and wash the putrid day away. But - the shower is so fucking disgusting! OMG! What the fuck happened here??? But instead of more tears I have been given some + energy Baby and it is time to buck up. I am going to take pleasure and pride as this day goes down the drain and leaves a brand new me to sparkle and shine!