Monday, October 29, 2007
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Sometimes life is so unfair. Fuck - it is down right cruel. So I question, God, mankind, science, technology, lady luck, karma, the cards, genetics and my family tree. I also question, reality, philosiphy, my mental state and my spirital state of being. Hhhh, Questioning the senses, great works of literature, and the word on the street too. I QUESTION...
MM has been away on biz. I am his tripping wife, but I could not go this time. I miss him so much. He is my last thought when I close my eyes and drift off into dreamland. He is always the 1st thing that pops into my mind when I wake. My days are consumed with him. Every passing second of every hour of every day is MM. He is my best friend and the only person I trust 100% besides my Mom. I am lost without him. This trip is weird cuz he is so far away and very busy. With all these high tech ways of communications - I have only heard the sound of his voice a few times I am starting to get sick. Its kinda like being homesick. I know I got it bad 4 him. The last few weeks I have gotten very close emotionally n now it's like he has died or something. I do feel like I lost my best friend. I am hanging on and he should return 2day. It scares me how attached I have become and this one could really fuck me up in my head and break my heart. God I hope things work out for us. Anyways I guess as Garth B says - sometimes you gotta feel a lil pain to enjoy the dance.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Wow- so much change in my life and all at once. I hate to sound cliche' but when it rains it pours.
Now I am sitting at this computer on a fine and glorious Saturday afternoon and my mind is one big cluster fuck of like 20 or so racing thoughts- so here is a Brittney's Blast from the past (that's an old blog entry yahoo deleted). So since I can't keep a fucking train of thought-
Entry for November 15, 2006
I love your hugs. I don't want to let go. The other nite you made me feel something inside that I forgot even existed. "That" feeling. You know the one. Warm and Tingly inside. Mouth watering, all the hairs on my head standing on end. Heart racing, (no - this is not an anxiety attack)! Better then ANY drug, (do u believe I am saying that)? But just like a drug - "that" feeling comes to an end. You have to leave and I pull away just wanting to scream! I can't look at you as it now is very painful inside. I turn as you pull my front door closed behind you. I can't help but notice you didn't look at me either. I just sit and finish cuming down from u. I think about how far you are on the freeway home and when will I get to feel your touch, smell you, hear your voice???
I dream about you and try not to call you. But I break down and dial the #. VM. I watch the time tick by slowly until its "our time" and then I start to feel "that" feeling again..............
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Monday, October 15, 2007
MY depression is getting worse day by day. I have been waiting for Richard (not my Richard) 2 cum rescue me. He is here but I don't understand what is taking him so long. I know this is not like the movies but shit! What are u waiting for - take me away! I am not going to last too much longer. Something has gotta give. Please Baby, plz.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Anyways - MM said to make this list,
Why I think I am regressing-
2.people fucking me over
3.caught in a vicious cycle
4.me not pushing hard enough - letting others influence me
5.making bad moves with finances.
OK honey - here is your list. What do u think... (be nice)